If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
