How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
