quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
