dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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