So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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