Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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