So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
