So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
