I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
