Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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