Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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