Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
