When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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