My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
