I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm too high and old for this...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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