She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
