I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
