I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
