I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
