where does the pee come out of this thing
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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