There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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