I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize