overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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