Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
