Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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