i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
