i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
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N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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