Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
