So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
