my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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