if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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