I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
