We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
