discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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