I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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