she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
