And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
