dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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