she woke up with a sticky ear
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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