I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
