you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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