she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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