So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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