you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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