seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
