I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
