Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
