we have officially lost it.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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