after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
