The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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