I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
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You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
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I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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