Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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