do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
