i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
