Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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