Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
