from now on my penis is your penis
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
