i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
