DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
