Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
