just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
