I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
