Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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