I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
