i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
