Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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