I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
