He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
