I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
