Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
