I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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