We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
