All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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