Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
