Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Those nachos came to me in a dream
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
