the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
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Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
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I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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