I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
