Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
