A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
