He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
