so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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