There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
