I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
