please come you make the beer taste better
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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