VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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