And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
