What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
